After I picked my up portfolio and talked to Giles I went home, bought a muffin on my way back and ate it while crying on my bed.
Did that help? No. Did I feel better afterwards? No, just guilty because I ate that much sugar. Did it taste good? Yes, so at least something.
I am just extremely frustrated. Not with Giles or my Feedback (obviously) but with myself, because I already knew that this was a problem or weak point of mine and I still failed to address it successfully. I already knew and demonstrated that I could do colour, solid research and well laid out process, so to say it bluntly I demonstrated not one new or interesting thing/skill in this project. Great. Gotta love Zero Progress.
It is so annoying, because I like Cute, I like cute things and fashion, ruffles, tulle, animal ears, anime etc. But I don’t know if I want my work to be cute. I do but I don’t. I definitely know what would be more fashionable. I would kinda like to find a middle ground, I don’t know.
I fail to be experimental and edgy and mature like the others and can’t ever seem to manage to do that even though I really try.
So in conclusion my project was well made but boring as always.
While I’m already on it and don’t think I’ll cool down any time soon let’s just take this opportunity to set some goals, because why not.
- Maybe try to create something that is actually interesting and not just technically well done. That would be a start.
- Be more edgy and cunty. I mean for fuck sake I am an extremely anxious, self conscious and angry individual on the inside, so it really isn’t such a far leap and shouldn’t be this gosh darn hard for me to bring to the surface. (Or maybe cute things are just my coping mechanism that distracts me from how ugly my insides as well as majority of the world are. I don’t know. Haven’t thought about that yet.)
- Be experimental. Because perfection is both boring and an illusion, which I am fully aware of but still fail to execute, which is ironically pathetic.
- Nothing cute. Nothing romantic. Nothing Cartoon/Anime. It is boring, redundant and nobody wants to see it.
- Work on my bottled up anger and unhealthy standards. (Maybe)
Will I post this to my Blog? I don’t know. Realistically speaking I am probably not in the right state right now to decide that but we shall see. It’s not like I’m known for my good judgement calls, nor tact.